[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[30.0s] You get the key, and if you don't, the fiery hells of Orcus will be upon your doorstep before you know it, and the waves of undead that'll lash out upon you are going to end your life.
[41.5s] Oh, calm down, man. He'll forgive you.
[43.5s] Oh, I mean, yeah, here's the key.
[45.5s] Varram knows you already.
[47.5s] He went from 0 to 20.
[49.5s] Do you know, uh, an artificer?
[51.5s] Oh, uh, yes. What is, um, what is his name, Irish guard?
[57.5s] Squeaky MacLemerson.
[59.5s] Just so happens, I need a little job done in order to finish some of my trinkets and knickknacks.
[65.0s] Can you be more specific?
[67.0s] Yep, I can be.
[69.0s] Next time on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[80.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master, Ross More. He, him, also with me today is Karla Maxted.
[87.1s] She, her, tonight playing Lipsinki Pipdigons, also she, her.
[92.1s] And Amy More.
[94.1s] Yep, that's me. I will be playing, I just spit all over myself.
[98.1s] I've done this before.
[100.1s] It's been a while.
[102.1s] It has been a little while. I will be playing Thea Amastasia, she, her, and Gael Nighthunter, Ogla Khan, who, uh, she, them.
[109.1s] And Kyle Clasett.
[111.1s] Hi everyone, he, him, I'm going to be playing Vorunax's True Trith, and thanks for still letting me play with y'all.
[118.1s] I'm going to say it every time.
[120.1s] No, you're just part of the game now.
[122.1s] Kyle's been kidnapped and we're forcing him to say that, but he's so good at sounding sincere.
[128.1s] We made him end his own show. We were like, it's us or them, but there's only one right answer here.
[132.1s] It was a dark room, there was a single light, and a car battery, and I don't, you know.
[136.1s] I don't remember what else happened after that.
[138.1s] Something about poodles.
[140.1s] No more podcasts, I don't know.
[142.1s] I feel like that was our other podcast. That was your character on our other podcast.
[146.1s] Yeah, absolutely.
[148.1s] Tom is not here, and that's okay.
[150.1s] Tom isn't here.
[152.1s] We're not going to say it just because this is released in the future, but he's got reasons, and we'll talk about those over on Patreon.
[158.1s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, where we have hangouts and tell you all of our personal stuff.
[162.1s] Oh, that's true.
[164.1s] Okay, I was like, where we discuss Tom without him there.
[166.1s] Specifically Tom.
[168.1s] We don't, but we do discuss ourselves when we hang out.
[171.1s] But we do discuss that one picture that Tom took when he shaved his beard off, because that still lives on Patreon.
[177.1s] Yeah, that haunts some people.
[179.1s] Baby face Tom.
[181.1s] Is he nine?
[183.1s] It was crazy.
[186.1s] The beard really does make the man.
[188.1s] I'm sad that you just brought it up again.
[190.1s] That was information that I had previously forgotten about.
[192.1s] It's one of those things where you blink and you can see it.
[195.1s] He's just staring down the barrel of the lens.
[200.1s] So when you are a patron, you get that, but also an episode dedicated to you.
[207.1s] Like today's patron, ALex Klein.
[210.1s] Thank you so much.
[212.1s] You're amazing.
[214.1s] We appreciate you.
[215.1s] Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast for all the pictures of Tom without a beard.
[220.1s] It's only one, but you get it.
[222.1s] One's enough.
[223.2s] And now fuck it.
[224.2s] Let's play.
[233.2s] You are on the road through the Dead Man's Marsh to the township of News.
[240.2s] N-O-O-S.
[242.2s] Township of News.
[244.2s] It's a beautiful, lovely sunny day.
[248.2s] You hear the crickets chirping off in the brush, the birds zipping overhead.
[255.2s] There's a little bounding otters off by a creek side.
[261.2s] It's just a sweet smell of just freshness and being alive is what the day smells like.
[269.2s] And the three of you, how many of you are there?
[272.2s] Four of you.
[273.2s] Francis is there too.
[275.2s] Five of us.
[277.2s] Knight Hunter, Thea, Francis, Vorunax, Lipsinki, Donnie.
[284.2s] The group of you, minus Flint, who is back in Greenus just admiring the statue of himself,
[291.2s] are on this road to News.
[294.2s] With a list in your hand of things to collect for Squeaky McClemerson, the artificer
[298.2s] who's going to re-attune your ring not to the abyss but to the Avernus in the Nine Hells
[305.2s] so that you can find your way to the River Styx.
[308.2s] The list of things he needs.
[310.2s] Springs.
[312.2s] Sprinkles.
[315.2s] Cogs and bolts.
[319.2s] Raw ore.
[322.2s] Jelly ooze.
[324.2s] Scales of a fish person.
[327.2s] Freely given.
[329.2s] Very important parenthetical.
[331.2s] Blood of an enemy forcefully taken.
[334.2s] He's creating Lord Voldemort.
[339.2s] Okay, so that's not bad.
[341.2s] As you are walking, reviewing this list, the road kind of comes to a forest,
[347.2s] narrows a little bit, bottlenecks a little bit,
[350.3s] and you hear off in the trees just like a light rustle of leaves
[356.3s] that is not normal far as like the wind direction goes
[360.3s] and like sniffles like
[368.3s] Somebody is doing inhAlydints in that bush.
[370.3s] I was going to say someone is doing coke in that bush.
[375.3s] Excuse me, drug addict?
[377.3s] Hey, what?
[379.3s] Six goblins all hop out in front of you all with spears
[384.3s] and large sacks that are empty over their backs
[387.3s] and they have like runny eyes and their nose is like
[391.3s] snot covered like a child, like a three-year-old
[393.3s] who doesn't realize that they need to blow their nose
[396.3s] but it's like running down like a handlebar mustache.
[399.3s] Oh.
[400.3s] Nose a little red around the edges from the wiping or blowing
[404.3s] and they say hand over all your medical supplies.
[407.3s] Medical supplies? We don't want to have those.
[410.3s] Do it and they kind of hop towards you with their spears.
[413.3s] Do you?
[414.3s] Night Hunter wants to grab a spear and whack.
[418.3s] I'm going to say you can freely do that.
[420.3s] She grabs and not like I'm going to knock you out
[423.3s] but very much a power move of like yoink boink.
[426.3s] Actually, hold on. Let's go.
[428.3s] No, she wants a yoink boink.
[429.3s] No, let's go competing strength saving.
[432.3s] Fuck off, you know I can't roll.
[434.3s] This is not right.
[435.3s] I'll roll with disadvantage.
[436.3s] I'll roll with disadvantage.
[438.3s] Well, yeah, that's right because he's sick.
[440.3s] Yes, he's sick.
[441.3s] Maybe this four weeks without playing has been a reset
[444.3s] and you're really good at rolling now.
[446.3s] Oh, maybe.
[447.3s] So first one was a 19 plus one
[449.3s] and a second one is a six plus one
[452.3s] or a five plus one, so a six.
[454.3s] So you got to beat a six.
[456.3s] Okay.
[457.3s] Well, that's a five plus.
[458.3s] Is it this?
[459.3s] It's not a saving throw.
[460.3s] It's just a strength.
[461.3s] All right, then 12.
[462.3s] I was going to say I hope there's no plus
[463.3s] but it's Night Hunter.
[464.3s] I forgot.
[465.3s] Yeah.
[467.3s] She yoinks and boinks.
[468.3s] They're very strong.
[469.3s] Ow, oh God.
[470.3s] Why are you threatening people?
[472.3s] Go to pharmacy.
[473.3s] They're chemists.
[474.3s] They don't know what we call them here.
[476.3s] They don't let us in the pharmacy anymore.
[478.3s] For reasons.
[479.3s] He puts his fingers to his nose
[483.3s] and then says for reasons.
[484.3s] For those playing the home game.
[490.3s] I'm uncomfortable.
[491.3s] Give us what you stole.
[493.3s] Give us what we stole.
[494.4s] Well, no, we used that from the pharmacy.
[496.4s] We did that.
[497.4s] We already used all that.
[499.4s] We have empty sacks.
[500.4s] We need to fill it with the medical supplies.
[502.4s] Hand them over.
[503.4s] Well, I'm not going to give you any medical supplies
[506.4s] but I could give you each a hanky
[508.4s] because it is hard just to look at your faces right now.
[513.4s] Oh, Thea has gone into like the side of the road
[515.4s] in the bush and is like picking different
[518.4s] like wild plants.
[520.4s] Okay.
[521.4s] She's rooting the shit out of us here.
[523.4s] What's your goal?
[524.4s] Herbology.
[525.4s] Okay, roll.
[526.4s] Herbalism.
[527.4s] Roll in nature.
[528.4s] You're trying to do some sort of medicinal.
[530.4s] So you can roll medicine or nature.
[533.4s] Oh, our dog smells so bad.
[535.4s] That's okay.
[536.4s] Maybe I can go in the yard
[538.4s] and gather some wild shrubs to medicate him.
[542.4s] Well, nature is only a plus two
[545.4s] but medicine is a plus 10.
[547.4s] So we're going to go medicine.
[548.4s] There we go, yeah.
[549.4s] Okay, 21.
[550.4s] Okay, yeah, absolutely.
[551.4s] What do you find
[552.4s] and how does it help?
[553.4s] Thea finds plantain for,
[559.4s] I'm bullshitting here,
[560.4s] but for a reduction of swelling.
[562.4s] She also finds some milkweed for congestion
[566.4s] and some echinacea for sore throat.
[568.4s] Okay, you whip that up
[570.4s] and it's like a paste, I assume?
[572.4s] Yeah, it's a paste.
[573.4s] What are you doing with that?
[575.4s] Okay, you're going to chew this.
[577.4s] You're going to gum it up real good.
[579.4s] You're going to chew it around.
[580.4s] Chew it around.
[581.4s] It's going to taste real florally.
[582.4s] Okay, you're going to keep it in your mouth
[584.4s] for a little bit.
[585.4s] We'll chew it around
[586.4s] and then you're going to swallow it.
[587.4s] This is great.
[588.4s] No one wants to listen to this, do they?
[594.4s] Mm-hmm, okay.
[599.4s] And drink lots of water.
[601.4s] Okay, but it didn't stop.
[603.4s] Well, no, it takes time.
[605.4s] But look, this plant,
[606.4s] and she like shows the three plants.
[608.4s] These plants, smash them up with some of your spit.
[611.4s] Yeah, you totally ate my spit.
[613.4s] And then every couple hours.
[616.4s] Okay, every couple hours.
[618.4s] Everybody get that?
[619.4s] Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
[621.4s] Okay.
[622.4s] He takes the plants from you.
[624.4s] So about those medical supplies then?
[627.4s] No, still don't have any of those.
[629.4s] Look, nature is medicine.
[630.4s] These were just in the trees.
[632.4s] Yeah.
[633.4s] I could have got these before.
[635.4s] Yeah.
[636.4s] Isn't nature a miracle?
[637.5s] Haven't you learned something today?
[640.5s] Yeah, you learned that drugs are all around you.
[644.5s] Son of a bitch.
[645.5s] Yeah, it's true.
[646.5s] That's right.
[647.5s] You just got to have the willpower
[648.5s] to get out there and find them.
[650.5s] All right, Steve-o, let's go.
[654.5s] They start loading up their bags,
[656.5s] rather large bags for the size of them
[658.5s] with all the three plants.
[660.5s] And you notice as you're doing it,
[662.5s] like they mix in some poison ivy and stuff
[664.5s] as they're going
[665.5s] because they're not really paying attention.
[667.5s] They just kind of went and followed
[669.5s] and there was some other stuff around.
[671.5s] That one's good for cleaning your rear.
[673.5s] Be sure to use that one there.
[675.5s] This one here?
[676.5s] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[677.5s] Just like this?
[678.5s] Okay, yeah.
[679.5s] Okay, good.
[680.5s] Get deep in there.
[681.5s] Ah, tingles.
[682.5s] Oh, you guys, they see a lot of stuff.
[684.5s] Maybe they'll know where some of the stuff we need is.
[687.5s] That's true.
[689.5s] Wait, you're boogers.
[691.5s] Would we consider that jelly-oos?
[693.5s] Would we consider that jelly-oos?
[695.5s] It's gelatinous in a way.
[697.5s] It's oozy for sure.
[699.5s] It's definitely oozy.
[701.5s] I think it...
[703.5s] Jelly-oo, is that not a particular thing?
[705.5s] Ooze from like a jelly?
[707.5s] I don't actually know what it is.
[709.5s] I thought it meant like jelly, like a jam.
[711.5s] You want some?
[713.5s] He's like dangling all over his finger.
[715.5s] Oh, no.
[716.5s] Might as well.
[717.5s] I'd pull out a little vial.
[719.5s] I'd just wipe it in there.
[721.5s] This is not okay.
[723.5s] This is not okay.
[725.5s] That is okay.
[727.5s] Okay, there you go.
[729.5s] If anything, we can use this to track you down if you wanted
[731.5s] to make any other kind of trouble for people.
[733.5s] So, thank you for giving me some of yourself.
[735.5s] Congratulations, you've been duped, properly.
[737.5s] Well, that sounds very dangerous.
[739.5s] Okay, well, you've given us leaves
[741.5s] and possibly a bounty on our heads.
[743.5s] We've given you slime from our faces.
[745.5s] All right, well, this has been nice.
[747.5s] We're going to wait for the next crew to come through.
[749.5s] See you guys. Have a great day.
[751.5s] Fair enough.
[768.5s] We carry on down this winding road
[771.5s] and it opens into a large valley.
[774.5s] And you see a town off in the distance,
[777.6s] which you can presume to be the Township of News.
[779.6s] And as you get closer and crest up over one final hill,
[783.6s] you hear off in the distance this loud,
[785.6s] like, sneezing and coughing coming from the town.
[788.6s] And it's getting louder and louder the closer you get.
[791.6s] And you see people walking through,
[793.6s] like, covering their mouths and just, like...
[796.6s] Everybody, same kind of situation
[799.6s] as the goblins that you saw before,
[801.6s] just in a bad state as far as what they look like
[804.6s] and all very cold-like symptoms.
[806.6s] I do not want to go into this town.
[808.6s] Oh.
[810.6s] I'll be fine.
[812.6s] It's, um...
[814.6s] gross?
[816.6s] I think is the word I'm looking for.
[818.6s] All the... like, look at...
[820.6s] Oh, someone coughing
[822.6s] and you can see all the wet coming out of their mouth.
[825.6s] Ugh.
[827.6s] Well, I mean, I have no issues
[829.6s] with any kind of diseases, so, uh...
[832.6s] Sorry.
[834.6s] Sorry, you do not catch cold?
[837.6s] I mean, I don't catch disease.
[839.6s] I don't know if this is a cold or a disease
[841.6s] or where it falls under, but, um...
[844.6s] If anything, the next day,
[846.6s] I can just ask for the blessing
[849.6s] of Orcus, I guess, still.
[851.6s] Like this, with this hand gesture,
[853.6s] cupping, cupping, this is Orcus' blessing?
[856.6s] Yes, yes, you just grab at it wherever you can.
[860.6s] And, uh, you get it.
[862.6s] Oh, gosh!
[864.6s] How long have you been here for?
[866.6s] I forgot I was here.
[868.6s] I was napping, kind of just, you know,
[870.6s] like one of those walking napping states
[872.6s] as old men sometimes have.
[875.6s] You just gotta...
[877.6s] You gotta cup, that's what they taught you.
[879.6s] Oh, no, we don't want to see you do that.
[881.6s] It's too late, I already did.
[883.6s] Yeah, just like that, right, Varnus?
[885.6s] That's how you taught me in the torture chambers.
[887.6s] Grants us news, see, that's what it is.
[889.6s] I got it in.
[891.6s] Grants us news that this is sort of...
[893.6s] You sort of gently reach out and cup.
[895.6s] Reach out and cup.
[897.6s] And draw.
[899.6s] Cup and draw.
[901.6s] Sorry, out of world.
[903.6s] Does Grants us know this Vorunax
[905.6s] or died Vorunax?
[907.6s] We've already...
[909.6s] Yeah, he knows all of them.
[911.6s] He was down in the abyss, right?
[913.6s] Yeah, I know.
[915.6s] He knows all of them.
[917.6s] So, you know, if anything,
[919.7s] some restoration could be divined upon me.
[923.7s] So, if I do catch anything, ha-ha.
[929.7s] And plus, you have those sweet herbs
[931.7s] that you just...
[933.7s] Well, Thea, let us know about.
[935.7s] Yeah, nature's magical, but I don't know
[937.7s] if there's enough herbs in the forest
[939.7s] to deal with all these people.
[941.7s] Look at them all.
[943.7s] Hello, friendly travelers!
[945.7s] Hello!
[947.7s] It's welcome! Come in to the town of news!
[952.7s] Thank you.
[954.7s] It's a beautiful town you've got here.
[956.7s] Lovely.
[958.7s] Especially despite this horrid-looking day.
[960.7s] What is wrong with everybody in this town?
[962.7s] Well, it was kind of sunny today.
[964.7s] I thought it was pretty nice.
[966.7s] Well, everybody, we had a big...
[968.7s] We had a big festival there
[972.7s] just a couple nights ago.
[974.7s] The Great Market Festival.
[976.7s] Well, everybody after that
[978.7s] kind of caught a little sickness.
[980.7s] So, you know, we just...
[982.7s] Every now and again,
[984.7s] every once a night,
[986.7s] we travel up down to the mines.
[988.7s] The priests give us the clearing out
[992.7s] and then we're good for a day
[994.7s] and then it comes back.
[996.7s] So I don't know.
[998.7s] Would you mind
[1000.7s] taking me through all of that again
[1003.7s] just with maybe a little bit more
[1005.7s] sort of explanation
[1007.7s] about going into a mine
[1009.7s] to see the priests
[1010.7s] and then they clear you out?
[1012.7s] Yeah, okay. Yeah, sure.
[1014.7s] My name's Mayor Carrington.
[1016.7s] Nice to meet you all.
[1018.7s] I'm sorry. Are you the mayor
[1020.7s] or is your name Mayor
[1021.7s] or are you the mayor
[1022.7s] and your name is Mayor?
[1024.7s] I am not the mayor.
[1025.7s] I am the blacksmith.
[1027.7s] But my name is Mayor.
[1029.7s] M-A-E-R-E.
[1030.7s] Mayor.
[1032.7s] Like Metro Goldwyn.
[1034.7s] That's M-A-Y-R.
[1037.7s] Y-E-R, yeah.
[1038.7s] But M-A-E-R-E.
[1040.7s] Mayor Carrington.
[1041.7s] Blacksmith.
[1042.7s] Like the lunch meat.
[1043.7s] Yes, exactly.
[1044.7s] You seem like a very helpful individual.
[1046.7s] Well, I'm trying to be,
[1048.7s] but let me explain again.
[1049.7s] So flashback two nights ago.
[1052.7s] There's ruckus laughter
[1055.7s] and joyful music playing around.
[1058.7s] I love Market Festival Days
[1060.7s] or whatever we call this again.
[1062.8s] It's so markety and festivaly and fun.
[1065.8s] Oh, my gosh.
[1066.8s] We only have these once every two years.
[1069.8s] I can't believe it.
[1070.8s] They should have these more often.
[1072.8s] The candy apples.
[1073.8s] Have you seen the candy apples?
[1074.8s] Maybe annually.
[1075.8s] I've had four candy apples.
[1077.8s] Oh, man.
[1078.8s] I can't wait to bob for some apples.
[1079.8s] The event was going off just spectacularly.
[1083.8s] Everyone was having the most joyous of times.
[1085.8s] They brought out the big pinata
[1087.8s] for all the children to play with.
[1089.8s] I hope I get a turn to whacken.
[1091.8s] Did you get a turn to whack at it?
[1092.8s] I'm going to hit it so hard.
[1094.8s] I'm going to hit it so hard.
[1095.8s] Oh!
[1096.8s] Up on the stage, we had our town comic.
[1099.8s] Mine spelled Jerry.
[1103.8s] So what's the deal with Kobolds?
[1106.8s] They're cowardly and run away more often than not.
[1109.8s] Nothing bold about them.
[1112.8s] It's funny because it's true.
[1114.8s] That's just a regular day occurrence.
[1117.8s] That's relatable.
[1119.8s] After the night was done,
[1120.8s] everyone went home feeling rejuvenated,
[1123.8s] feeling like the day was in theirs.
[1127.8s] It was a bit of a doldrum kind of week beforehand.
[1130.8s] You know, the taxes were due and everybody had,
[1133.8s] well, I don't even know what else could be bad
[1138.8s] in a town like this.
[1140.8s] The leaves were falling because it's fall.
[1142.8s] My husband and I had a sexual drive spell
[1145.8s] that cleared up right after that festival.
[1148.8s] Exactly.
[1149.8s] That's how good it was, Margaret.
[1151.8s] All the people that came through
[1152.8s] kicked all the acorns off the road
[1154.8s] and now I don't wind up stepping on them
[1156.8s] so often and hurting my feet.
[1158.8s] And I found a puppy.
[1159.8s] All puppies.
[1160.8s] The best puppies.
[1161.8s] The best day ever.
[1162.8s] All of these things happened at the Great Market Festival
[1165.8s] and then the next day,
[1167.8s] everyone woke up with a sniffle.
[1170.8s] Just like out of the blue.
[1176.8s] It's a sniffle that wouldn't stop
[1177.8s] no matter how much they blew.
[1179.8s] So regarding the sniffle, what did you do?
[1182.8s] Well, we didn't know what to do.
[1184.8s] Nothing would stop.
[1185.8s] The usual plantain and milkweed
[1189.8s] and echinacea remedy
[1193.8s] that is so well known in these parts
[1195.8s] just would not do.
[1197.8s] So what we did was, well,
[1199.8s] we were introduced by our priest
[1202.8s] to this new way of taking care of cold
[1206.9s] like symptoms.
[1207.9s] It was a clearing
[1211.9s] divine vial
[1213.9s] that cleared the nostrils
[1216.9s] but the best place to do it
[1218.9s] was down in the mines of McCuss.
[1220.9s] M-P-C-U-S.
[1223.9s] McCuss.
[1224.9s] So we had to go down to the mines
[1225.9s] because that's where the altar to McCuss is
[1229.9s] and they would give us the bottle of
[1231.9s] nose cleaning or nose clearing
[1233.9s] or something like that
[1235.9s] which would clear the system
[1238.9s] but then it's come back every couple days
[1240.9s] so we just have to lather, rinse, repeat
[1242.9s] and then we got a day of clearness
[1244.9s] and then we have to go back the next day.
[1247.9s] Did that about catch you up?
[1249.9s] Thank you.
[1250.9s] Yes, it did.
[1253.9s] Are you, y'all are just all clear
[1256.9s] and your nose is in the same spot
[1258.9s] just the whole town?
[1260.9s] What happens with mucus?
[1262.9s] Thank you, Nat Hunter.
[1264.9s] That's exactly what I was wondering.
[1266.9s] Out of our nose and into the altar of McCuss.
[1269.9s] Oh, you're farming mucus.
[1272.9s] I mean I guess in a sense
[1274.9s] that seems a really weird thing to do.
[1276.9s] As long as you are fine with it.
[1278.9s] Turn it into your sacrifice
[1281.9s] and your snot.
[1282.9s] McCuss gives you like boon?
[1285.9s] Well, I mean he clears the snot from our nose
[1289.9s] which makes us feel much better for a day and a bit.
[1293.9s] And how much do you have to pay
[1294.9s] to have this service provided?
[1296.9s] Oh, nothing.
[1297.9s] The priest just takes care of it for us.
[1300.9s] Balderdash.
[1301.9s] They're getting something out of it.
[1303.9s] I don't believe it.
[1304.9s] Look, you weary travelers
[1306.9s] look like you've been going for such a long time.
[1309.9s] Excuse me, let me go get you some water
[1312.9s] and see if we can set you up at an inn, okay?
[1315.9s] I'll be right back.
[1316.9s] I've got my own water, thank you.
[1317.9s] I'll be right back.
[1318.9s] Does it seem like perhaps
[1320.9s] mucus is sacrifice or tribute to God McCuss?
[1326.9s] I feel like it's gotta be.
[1328.9s] I mean, I know I always think the worst of everybody
[1332.9s] because, you know, evil for years and years and years,
[1335.9s] but it's just that if you're not paying for a service
[1338.9s] then like I think you're kind of more the product.
[1341.9s] Yeah, exactly.
[1342.9s] Do you know what I mean?
[1344.9s] Like they're getting something from you
[1346.9s] and you're not giving them something.
[1348.9s] Oh God, do you guys think
[1350.0s] we're gonna have to fight a giant mucus monster?
[1352.0s] I was about to say, you know.
[1353.0s] Oh, I mean.
[1354.0s] Oh no, I.
[1355.0s] Orcus takes the undead or the dead
[1357.0s] and then makes undead.
[1359.0s] This McCuss might just take mucus and make snot golems.
[1362.0s] Giant mucus monster.
[1363.0s] I just don't know if I can.
[1365.0s] I'm not sure if I have the energy for that today,
[1367.0s] you guys.
[1368.0s] I mean, you ever seen snot in a snow drift?
[1372.0s] It just freezes.
[1374.0s] It'd be rather easy to take out.
[1376.0s] Get stuck in second place and shatter.
[1378.0s] I mean, we're planning ahead for something
[1381.0s] that might not happen, but I like it.
[1383.0s] This is very new for us.
[1385.0s] All right, water fresh from the well.
[1387.0s] Here you go.
[1388.0s] Sorry.
[1389.0s] Sorry that took me so long.
[1390.0s] It's hard to carry a bunch of flagons down the street.
[1393.0s] It's very kind of you.
[1396.0s] Thank you.
[1397.0s] Hey, what's over there?
[1398.0s] I made sure to hold them out.
[1399.0s] Who's that?
[1400.0s] Sorry?
[1401.0s] Who's that?
[1402.0s] Oh, that's.
[1403.0s] Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.
[1404.0s] And I just pour the water,
[1405.0s] like go back over.
[1406.0s] I don't want to drink their well water.
[1408.0s] I don't want to touch anything.
[1410.0s] Well, that's just Enid.
[1411.0s] She runs the post office.
[1413.0s] Oh, I thought I recognized her,
[1415.0s] but it's somebody else.
[1417.0s] Yeah, thanks.
[1418.0s] Thanks.
[1419.0s] Perhaps you could tell us where we can get
[1422.0s] some items we are looking for.
[1424.0s] Because maybe we do not have to be in town too long.
[1427.0s] Oh, OK.
[1428.0s] Well, you got places to be?
[1430.0s] Yes, to get back with this list of things
[1433.0s] that we need to get.
[1434.0s] What are you looking for?
[1435.0s] Well, spring and sprinkles and cogs and bolts
[1441.0s] and raw ore and the jelly ooze.
[1445.0s] And do you know any fish people?
[1447.0s] Fish people?
[1449.0s] Yeah.
[1450.0s] Not many come through here.
[1452.0s] We do have the stream that runs.
[1454.0s] You might have seen it walk coming up there.
[1456.0s] The playful little otters that live down there.
[1459.0s] Yeah, we did see those otters.
[1462.0s] No fish people, per se, that I've seen there.
[1467.0s] Some various, you know, salmon,
[1470.0s] some minnows.
[1472.0s] Yeah, just more fish.
[1474.0s] More fish.
[1476.0s] As opposed to a fish purse.
[1478.0s] A place in the city that would sell?
[1481.0s] Oh, no.
[1482.0s] Sorry, springs I got.
[1484.0s] I'm the blacksmith.
[1485.0s] I make springs.
[1486.0s] Because that's what blacksmiths do.
[1488.0s] Cogs and bolts.
[1490.0s] Cogs and bolts, yeah.
[1491.1s] I think I've got some raw ore.
[1492.1s] If not, you can find some at the mine.
[1494.1s] That's usually where I get it too.
[1496.1s] But I'm pretty sure I got a little bit at least.
[1498.1s] How much did you need?
[1499.1s] Well, some I believe is what our directions were.
[1504.1s] Sprinkles you might be able to go down to.
[1507.1s] Are you looking for like edible sprinkles
[1509.1s] or like arts and crafts sprinkles?
[1511.1s] See, these are questions that we should have asked.
[1513.1s] Oh, I would assume sprinkles would be edible
[1516.1s] because the arts and crafts one, that's like glitter.
[1519.1s] Yeah, that's more of a glitter.
[1521.1s] I also like the tiny candy pieces.
[1524.1s] Orcas loves glitter.
[1526.1s] Well, Orcas and I have that in common.
[1528.1s] It's candy pieces?
[1530.1s] Yeah, you know, the tiny pieces of candy.
[1534.1s] You could probably go down and visit Valerie at the bakery.
[1538.1s] She's probably got some sprinkles
[1540.1s] that she could hook you up with.
[1544.1s] She's still baking goods and she's afflicted.
[1548.1s] Well, she's got business to run.
[1550.1s] She wears like this cup that catches.
[1554.1s] Oh, gosh.
[1556.1s] It's just a drip cup.
[1558.1s] Just a drip cup.
[1560.1s] Perhaps more of a trough.
[1563.1s] Yeah, yeah.
[1565.1s] That's a run down like the valley.
[1569.1s] This is called your cupid's bow.
[1572.1s] Oh, really?
[1573.1s] Well, that's something you learn new every day.
[1575.1s] Cupid's bow.
[1577.1s] Okay.
[1579.1s] Hot diggity.
[1581.1s] Just like to impart a little bit of wisdom.
[1583.1s] Well, Mayor, would you mind if we came with you now
[1586.1s] and maybe purchase a few of the items that we need?
[1590.1s] Oh, hold please.
[1592.1s] We didn't have enough.
[1596.1s] Hold on.
[1598.1s] We didn't have enough money
[1600.1s] to give this guy to do this thing for us.
[1604.1s] That's because he wanted 750 gold.
[1607.1s] He wanted a lot of money.
[1609.1s] I think we had 10 pieces of gold between us.
[1611.1s] You had 10 pieces of gold?
[1613.1s] I'm talking out of game.
[1615.1s] Excuse me, sir, this is a private conversation.
[1619.1s] He sent us on a shopping trip.
[1621.1s] Here you go, you poor ass motherfuckers.
[1623.1s] Go buy all this stuff for me.
[1625.1s] We're getting here.
[1627.1s] We're like, well, we've walked all this way
[1629.1s] and we have very little money on us,
[1631.1s] so hopefully we can trade some sexual favors
[1633.2s] for you, the only way we're getting
[1635.2s] these springs, cogs, and bolts.
[1637.2s] Yeah, of course you can buy the things that I have
[1639.2s] and then go visit Valerie.
[1641.2s] The fish people I'm not too sure on.
[1643.2s] What else was on your list?
[1645.2s] Ooze?
[1647.2s] Jelly ooze.
[1649.2s] Well, I mean, Valerie's got cups of it,
[1651.2s] but that's not really probably what you're looking for.
[1654.2s] I don't know what it is.
[1658.2s] You don't know what it is, but you're looking for it.
[1660.2s] Yeah.
[1662.2s] You don't know what it is.
[1664.2s] We were sent to this town and thought
[1666.2s] maybe it was a thing.
[1668.2s] Maybe you were like the jelly ooze capital.
[1670.2s] Jelly ooze from news.
[1674.2s] Isn't that a...
[1676.2s] Jelly ooze from news.
[1678.2s] Well, let's go talk to Valerie
[1680.2s] and see if she's got your sprinkles.
[1682.2s] Maybe she's got a little...
[1684.2s] She's got a beat on some jelly ooze.
[1686.2s] Follow me.
[1688.2s] While we're there, we may as well get
[1690.2s] just jelly, right?
[1692.2s] Yes.
[1694.2s] Like jelly and donut, right?
[1696.2s] Just in case.
[1698.2s] Pastry, you squeeze it, it oozes out.
[1700.2s] Mmm.
[1702.2s] It all sounds delightful.
[1704.2s] Guys, I don't know if we want
[1706.2s] the ooze from Valerie's bakery.
[1711.2s] Why do you know her?
[1714.2s] Well, it just sounds like she's collecting boogers
[1716.2s] in a cup we're not listening to.
[1718.2s] Are you sure?
[1720.2s] It is possible.
[1722.2s] Oh.
[1724.2s] I see.
[1726.2s] I mean, if honestly the jackpot
[1728.2s] sounds like it's in the mine, really,
[1730.2s] if we're going to be collecting mucus.
[1732.2s] Yeah.
[1734.2s] But perhaps there is like a jam-type substance.
[1736.2s] Well, let's go check the bakery
[1740.2s] and go from there, shall we?
[1742.2s] Sounds cool.
[1744.2s] Welcome to the middle
[1748.2s] where we're talking to Cicero.
[1750.2s] End of song, go.
[1752.2s] We have things to do.
[1754.2s] We have a special guest, middle guest.
[1756.2s] Yeah, middle guest.
[1758.2s] Oh, yeah, I'm the middle guest.
[1760.2s] So many guests, regular guests,
[1762.2s] Kyle Clasett and Cicero is here
[1764.2s] to tell us about all the things he's got going on.
[1766.2s] What you guys got going on?
[1768.2s] Yeah, so one of the really cool things that I got going on
[1770.2s] is I'm part of a podcasting network
[1772.3s] that is incomparable.
[1774.3s] And coming out soon
[1776.3s] is a peak TV draft
[1781.3s] where we have created a streaming service,
[1785.3s] a fictional streaming service
[1787.3s] where you take four of your best TV shows
[1791.3s] from the last 20 years or of the 21st century
[1794.3s] and you get to draft them
[1796.3s] into your own streaming service.
[1798.3s] We've recorded it, we put it together.
[1800.3s] It was hilarious.
[1801.3s] I loved it.
[1802.3s] It was a lot of fun.
[1803.3s] And you can look it up on the incomparable.
[1805.3s] Look for the incomparable in Cicero Homes
[1807.3s] and you'll find lots of different things
[1809.3s] that I've done as well as that.
[1811.3s] And come for the peak TV draft
[1815.3s] and stay for plenty of other things
[1817.3s] at the incomparable,
[1819.3s] the incomparable on Twitter
[1820.3s] and the incomparable.com.
[1821.3s] Awesome.
[1822.3s] Can't wait to see it.
[1823.3s] I'll get a link from you, too.
[1825.3s] We can put it in the show notes there, Cicero.
[1828.3s] Thank you so much for being here with us
[1830.3s] in this middle.
[1831.3s] Oh, man.
[1832.3s] We just love having you here.
[1833.3s] You were at the live show.
[1834.3s] You're in some episodes coming up.
[1839.3s] Secret spoilers, all things secret spoilers.
[1842.3s] Cicero's here.
[1843.3s] Who knows who he's playing?
[1844.3s] Who knows what's going to happen?
[1846.3s] I don't know.
[1847.3s] Mum's the word.
[1848.3s] But we can't wait.
[1849.3s] And go check out the incomparable
[1851.3s] and the draft, which obviously
[1853.3s] the shows you picked were Lost,
[1855.3s] Seinfeld, Barbie's Dream House,
[1857.3s] and...
[1859.3s] Murder She Wrote.
[1860.3s] Oh, I was going to go Blue's Clues,
[1862.3s] which is like a children's murder she wrote.
[1865.3s] Only one of those shows came out post-2000.
[1869.3s] Oh, yeah.
[1870.3s] I don't know how to play the game.
[1875.3s] Yes.
[1876.3s] Thank you, everybody.
[1877.3s] Go back and listen to the episode now
[1879.3s] and go check out all the things that are going on
[1881.3s] over on the incomparable.
[1882.3s] Okay.
[1883.3s] Bye, everybody.
[1884.3s] Love you.
[1885.3s] Bye.
[1886.3s] Yeah, just right up here, around the corner.
[1891.3s] I think that Mayor should be the mayor.
[1893.3s] He is quite the ambassador.
[1895.3s] Oh, he's a go-getter.
[1896.3s] For the town of News.
[1898.3s] I stand at the door
[1900.3s] and I just kind of look into the establishment
[1904.3s] because I don't know why,
[1905.3s] but it feels grosser
[1907.3s] being in an enclosed building full of food.
[1911.3s] And then I yell,
[1913.4s] Why don't you come on over, Valerie?
[1916.4s] Because I've had that song stuck in my head
[1918.4s] since we've said Valerie.
[1920.4s] We used to cover that when we played live.
[1922.4s] A lot of fun.
[1923.4s] Great song.
[1924.4s] It's a great song.
[1926.4s] Valerie, Valerie, we've got some customers here.
[1929.4s] You look in and it's a pristine bake shop.
[1932.4s] There's not a smudge in sight.
[1935.4s] Nary a booger to be seen.
[1937.4s] Nary a booger to be seen.
[1940.4s] Except for Valerie,
[1943.4s] who walks around the corner
[1945.4s] and clearly has a contraption
[1947.4s] strung up beneath her nose.
[1949.4s] She's got gloves on
[1951.4s] and is holding her hands out
[1953.4s] and says, yes, yeah, what?
[1955.4s] What's a different voice?
[1957.4s] Ooh, haven't had a customer in weeks.
[1959.4s] Everybody's been afraid of the boogers.
[1961.4s] Come on in.
[1962.4s] Yeah, but if you all have the same sickness,
[1965.4s] it certainly shouldn't matter.
[1967.4s] I thought you'd only been sick
[1968.4s] just since the big festival.
[1970.4s] Also, great point if you've all been sick, is it?
[1973.4s] Obviously, it doesn't matter.
[1975.4s] If you're all sick,
[1976.4s] people probably still should be eating food
[1978.4s] from you at this point.
[1979.4s] We're not going to.
[1981.4s] Have you had any other visitors
[1982.4s] that have come in
[1983.4s] and fall prey to this sickness?
[1986.4s] Visitors fall prey to the sickness.
[1989.4s] That sounds very dangerous.
[1991.4s] Not like something Valerie would deal with.
[1994.4s] But no, nobody's falling prey to the sickness
[1997.4s] No, nobody's falling prey
[1999.4s] except for the people who currently live here.
[2004.4s] Sounds like some hot goss though.
[2008.4s] Do you, Valerie,
[2009.4s] if you enjoy hot goss, it sounds.
[2011.4s] You know me, me and the girls
[2013.4s] down at the nail salon.
[2016.4s] I need to get mine done soon.
[2018.4s] They're getting a little raggedy.
[2019.4s] Well, the girls in my clan
[2021.4s] always hung out down by the artery.
[2023.4s] Well, it must be regional.
[2025.4s] Circles, yes, I suppose so.
[2026.4s] Yes, everybody's different.
[2027.4s] News.
[2028.4s] Night Hunter looks at her nails.
[2030.4s] Well, maybe you get your nails done
[2032.4s] before you go.
[2033.4s] The news nails.
[2034.4s] So what would be the goss
[2036.4s] from your friends
[2037.4s] about where the sickness came from?
[2039.4s] Oh, oh, well, it could have come
[2041.4s] from the bobbing apple station.
[2044.4s] Oh, Valerie, that's weird.
[2046.4s] Wesley, Wesley was,
[2048.4s] he had a little,
[2049.4s] a little tickle in his throat.
[2052.4s] We thought maybe he shouldn't come,
[2054.5s] but he did.
[2055.5s] He did.
[2056.5s] And he was the first to bob for apples.
[2059.5s] And then you all decide,
[2060.5s] OK, Wesley is sick.
[2061.5s] Now I will put my head in water.
[2064.5s] Once you've had a few too many,
[2066.5s] you just go for it, dear.
[2068.5s] Just forget about what happened
[2070.5s] earlier in the day.
[2071.5s] Yeah.
[2072.5s] Yeah.
[2073.5s] Is that not what?
[2074.5s] How long have you been sick?
[2076.5s] Since the festival.
[2078.5s] Which was how long ago?
[2079.5s] Several days.
[2081.5s] How many days was it there, mayor?
[2083.5s] Well, it was just a couple of nights
[2086.5s] and then another couple of nights
[2088.5s] and then another couple of nights.
[2090.5s] I'm counting the times
[2091.5s] the priests have cleared our nose.
[2093.5s] That's what I would have done, yeah.
[2095.5s] Could have been six or eight.
[2097.5s] There was a couple,
[2098.5s] there was a couple of foggy days
[2100.5s] in there before we found
[2101.5s] that the priests could do that.
[2103.5s] Just a stretch of like,
[2105.5s] just running all over.
[2108.5s] And this priest has lived
[2109.5s] in your town before.
[2111.5s] Yes, yes, yes, yes.
[2113.5s] Yes, yes.
[2114.5s] Familiar.
[2115.5s] But until now,
[2117.5s] you know, you've resided in town
[2119.5s] and then took an oath
[2121.5s] to McCuss
[2124.5s] and has since taken stow
[2127.5s] up in the mines
[2129.5s] where the altar is, of course,
[2131.5s] that we had previously mentioned.
[2132.5s] Oh, question.
[2133.5s] Is your priest also sick?
[2136.5s] Ooh.
[2138.5s] Is he also sick?
[2139.5s] Was he sick?
[2140.5s] Was he sick the last?
[2141.5s] No, but he has the bottle
[2143.5s] of nose cleaning.
[2144.5s] So even if he was,
[2145.5s] I assume he would take them
[2147.5s] more regularly
[2148.5s] so as to show
[2150.5s] that they work.
[2151.5s] Makes sense, I guess.
[2153.5s] And this priest's name?
[2154.5s] Priest's name.
[2155.5s] The one who is bestowed
[2158.5s] upon to McCuss,
[2160.5s] the nose-shaped god,
[2161.5s] of course,
[2163.5s] he is Leroy.
[2167.5s] Leroy.
[2169.5s] Priest Leroy.
[2172.5s] Junkins.
[2181.5s] I've got a question.
[2183.5s] This bottle,
[2184.5s] is it a bottle you drink out of?
[2187.5s] Yes, several bottles.
[2188.5s] Yes, there are small vials.
[2189.5s] You know what bottles are.
[2191.5s] Tiny glass bottles.
[2193.5s] There are many of them
[2195.5s] and we get one.
[2196.6s] We drink it.
[2197.6s] Flushed.
[2199.6s] Next person gets a new one.
[2201.6s] Drinks it.
[2203.6s] Flushed.
[2204.6s] So it is only one, though.
[2206.6s] Right?
[2207.6s] Like you take one.
[2209.6s] Yeah?
[2210.6s] Okay.
[2211.6s] And here I thought
[2212.6s] you were getting a small thing
[2213.6s] and pouring into one nostril.
[2214.6s] For sure.
[2215.6s] I thought it was a neti pot.
[2216.6s] 100%.
[2217.6s] And it was coming out the other
[2218.6s] and that's, you know,
[2219.6s] kind of a physical clearing of the...
[2222.6s] It can be quite helpful.
[2224.6s] It's like letting gravity
[2225.6s] take control of it.
[2227.6s] Take hold of the wheel.
[2229.6s] Yeah, just a mild saline
[2231.6s] and then it...
[2232.6s] Interesting.
[2233.6s] Yeah.
[2234.6s] Oh, but this is something
[2235.6s] you are ingesting it.
[2238.6s] You're drinking it.
[2239.6s] Oh, yeah.
[2240.6s] No, no, no.
[2241.6s] It's a bottle,
[2242.6s] perhaps called a potion,
[2244.6s] some sort of fluid.
[2245.6s] Well, I'm glad we asked
[2246.6s] because I was picturing
[2247.6s] something just totally different.
[2249.6s] And you have to flush
[2252.6s] into a receptacle,
[2253.6s] a specific receptacle, right?
[2254.6s] Oh, yeah.
[2255.6s] Do you drink it
[2256.6s] and then you just hang
[2257.6s] your face over something?
[2258.6s] Wait, does it come
[2259.6s] out of your face?
[2260.6s] It comes out of your face
[2261.6s] and gets up the altar.
[2265.6s] It gets sucked
[2266.6s] out of your face?
[2267.6s] Up into the
[2268.6s] nostril-shaped altar.
[2269.6s] Into the nostril-shaped altar.
[2271.6s] Right.
[2272.6s] Oh, it is a booger farm.
[2274.6s] Yeah.
[2276.6s] Yes.
[2278.6s] How do you feel about that?
[2279.6s] We need to visit this priest.
[2280.6s] I want to know
[2281.6s] what they're up to.
[2282.6s] How do I,
[2283.6s] how do I feel about it?
[2284.6s] Well, I mean,
[2285.6s] it clears the sinuses.
[2286.6s] Well, yeah,
[2287.6s] but they're obviously
[2288.6s] giving you something
[2289.6s] that's making you
[2290.6s] feel like this
[2291.6s] so that you have
[2292.6s] to come back
[2293.6s] every couple of days
[2294.6s] to feed the god.
[2295.6s] It's a farm.
[2296.6s] Why would they be,
[2297.6s] why would they,
[2298.6s] why would they be
[2299.6s] giving us something
[2300.6s] to make us not feel well?
[2302.6s] Because they are true.
[2303.6s] Yes, that doesn't seem
[2304.6s] like something
[2306.6s] priest Johnkins would do.
[2308.6s] I like this priest.
[2310.6s] I think we're going
[2311.6s] to get along.
[2313.6s] You know what?
[2314.6s] Maybe I'm way out of line.
[2315.6s] Yeah.
[2316.6s] I think I've got
[2317.6s] the wrong picture.
[2318.6s] Do you think maybe
[2319.6s] we could meet these people?
[2320.6s] This just all seems
[2321.6s] so odd.
[2322.6s] Yeah.
[2323.6s] But before we do,
[2324.6s] we need to get
[2325.6s] those springs cogs.
[2326.6s] Oh, definitely.
[2327.6s] Just sprinkles.
[2328.6s] You got sprinkles, right?
[2329.6s] Oh, yes.
[2330.6s] We've got lots of sprinkles.
[2331.6s] Valerie, you've got,
[2332.6s] oh, all right.
[2333.6s] And rainbow sprinkles
[2334.6s] just by any chance
[2335.6s] because I think
[2336.6s] it just sounds fun.
[2337.6s] Oh, I was picturing,
[2338.6s] yeah,
[2339.6s] I was picturing
[2340.7s] any jelly ooze?
[2343.7s] Jelly ooze.
[2344.7s] We have jelly.
[2345.7s] Anything?
[2346.7s] We have jam.
[2347.7s] Well,
[2348.7s] can we just get
[2349.7s] a little bit of that?
[2350.7s] Okay.
[2351.7s] Jelly and jam
[2352.7s] just in a little jar.
[2353.7s] Just in a jar, okay.
[2354.7s] Some jelly and jam
[2355.7s] in a jar,
[2356.7s] if you don't mind.
[2357.7s] Just in...
[2358.7s] Look, I'm trying to limit
[2361.7s] the foley I have to do.
[2363.7s] I'm making it work.
[2364.7s] Uh-huh.
[2365.7s] Yeah.
[2366.7s] I enjoy it.
[2367.7s] It sounded
[2368.7s] bright.
[2369.7s] Right.
[2370.7s] Like it did sound
[2371.7s] like a wet sort
[2372.7s] of slop sound.
[2373.7s] Kind of like when
[2374.7s] the jam gets stuck
[2375.7s] to the inside
[2376.7s] of the jar
[2377.7s] and it just kind
[2378.7s] of pulls away.
[2379.7s] Yeah.
[2380.7s] Well, there you go.
[2381.7s] Here's your jam
[2382.7s] and your sprinkles,
[2383.7s] the rainbow.
[2384.7s] Uh,
[2385.7s] that'll be
[2386.7s] just a couple copper.
[2389.7s] And I'll toss in
[2390.7s] an eclair.
[2391.7s] Or five.
[2392.7s] How many of you?
[2393.7s] There's one,
[2394.7s] two, three.
[2395.7s] Oh, one is good.
[2396.7s] You know,
[2397.7s] just the one.
[2398.7s] We're all
[2399.7s] trying to
[2400.7s] watch our figures.
[2401.7s] Eat less sugar.
[2402.7s] So, yeah.
[2403.7s] It makes us
[2404.7s] crazy.
[2405.7s] Well,
[2406.7s] come back another
[2407.7s] time then
[2408.7s] when you're feeling
[2409.7s] a little peckish.
[2410.7s] The eclairs
[2411.7s] are very well known
[2412.7s] for the eclairs
[2413.7s] in news.
[2414.7s] Thank you, Valerie.
[2415.7s] Valerie,
[2416.7s] ba-ba-da-ba.
[2417.7s] You exit.
[2418.7s] Ba-ba-da-ba.
[2419.7s] Uh,
[2420.7s] Grantzis is
[2421.7s] hiding around
[2422.7s] a bush
[2423.7s] outside.
[2424.7s] Why?
[2425.7s] Hey,
[2426.7s] hey, how
[2427.7s] did you get
[2428.7s] the goods?
[2429.7s] Get what we need?
[2430.7s] All right.
[2431.7s] Grantzis,
[2432.7s] you can't do that
[2433.7s] in public.
[2434.7s] What?
[2435.7s] Hide by the bush?
[2436.7s] Yeah, hide,
[2437.7s] sure.
[2438.7s] Grantzis,
[2439.7s] there is no way
[2440.7s] that his ex-girlfriend
[2441.7s] in there,
[2442.7s] even with
[2443.7s] crazy
[2444.7s] face
[2445.7s] bucket
[2446.7s] of mucus.
[2447.7s] She was very
[2448.7s] attractive woman.
[2449.7s] Oh, well,
[2450.7s] yeah, of course.
[2451.7s] Grantzis
[2452.7s] only attracts
[2453.7s] the
[2454.7s] attractive woman.
[2455.7s] He does?
[2456.7s] Huh?
[2457.7s] You're wearing
[2458.7s] pajama pants.
[2459.7s] And you aren't?
[2461.7s] I'm not.
[2462.7s] We cut ahead
[2463.7s] to
[2464.7s] the
[2465.7s] Mayor
[2466.7s] Blacksmiths.
[2467.7s] All right,
[2468.7s] yeah, come on in.
[2469.7s] Uh,
[2470.7s] got your
[2471.7s] springs.
[2472.7s] Uh,
[2473.7s] crinkle,
[2474.7s] crinkle,
[2475.7s] crinkle.
[2476.7s] Got your springs
[2477.7s] and some
[2478.7s] cogs and bolts,
[2479.7s] right?
[2480.7s] Let me help.
[2481.7s] Boing.
[2482.7s] Boing.
[2483.7s] Cogs and bolts.
[2484.7s] Uh,
[2485.8s] what's left
[2486.8s] on the
[2487.8s] list?
[2488.8s] We've got
[2489.8s] the scales,
[2490.8s] the jelly.
[2491.8s] I mean,
[2492.8s] that's it,
[2493.8s] jelly ooze,
[2494.8s] scales of
[2495.8s] fish person
[2496.8s] freely given.
[2497.8s] We've got,
[2498.8s] if we get
[2499.8s] some
[2500.8s] ore here,
[2501.8s] we've got
[2502.8s] the spring
[2503.8s] and sprinkles
[2504.8s] and cogs and bolts.
[2505.8s] So,
[2506.8s] I mean,
[2507.8s] I think we're doing
[2508.8s] very well.
[2509.8s] Do we,
[2510.8s] I mean,
[2511.8s] I think,
[2512.8s] I mean,
[2513.8s] I know what Vorunax
[2514.8s] and help
[2515.8s] the,
[2516.8s] the priest
[2517.8s] bring about
[2518.8s] the booger god.
[2519.8s] Yes.
[2521.8s] Wait.
[2522.8s] That's not what you're
[2523.8s] talking about.
[2524.8s] No.
[2525.8s] I was going to say,
[2526.8s] to help cure the town.
[2527.8s] Is that,
[2528.8s] you know,
[2529.8s] is that on a list?
[2530.8s] Well,
[2531.8s] I mean,
[2532.8s] it's not on the
[2533.8s] list,
[2534.8s] but I kind of wouldn't mind going to see
[2535.8s] the giant
[2536.8s] nose.
[2537.8s] And like,
[2538.8s] how does it suck up
[2539.8s] the nose?
[2540.8s] I mean,
[2541.8s] it sounds like
[2542.8s] probably
[2543.8s] the grossest
[2544.8s] thing
[2545.8s] I've ever seen.
[2546.8s] It is very
[2547.8s] intriguing.
[2548.8s] I used to dump
[2549.8s] undead
[2550.8s] out of like
[2551.8s] a fan,
[2552.8s] like,
[2553.8s] I've seen
[2554.8s] some gross things.
[2555.8s] Wait,
[2556.8s] you got to dump
[2557.8s] undead out of,
[2558.8s] out of what?
[2559.8s] Well,
[2560.8s] remember when we,
[2561.8s] oh,
[2562.8s] of course,
[2563.8s] you don't remember.
[2564.8s] Okay,
[2565.8s] so this one time,
[2566.8s] we were having
[2567.8s] a big celebration.
[2568.8s] So there's no
[2569.8s] ore in the back.
[2570.8s] Oh.
[2571.8s] Fresh out of
[2572.8s] but you said
[2573.8s] we could just go
[2574.8s] go down
[2575.8s] in the mines.
[2576.8s] Absolutely.
[2577.8s] If you see some,
[2578.8s] you want to bring
[2579.8s] some back,
[2580.8s] I pay you for it too.
[2581.8s] Oh,
[2582.8s] speaking of,
[2583.8s] well,
[2584.8s] not payment,
[2585.8s] but you should
[2586.8s] probably have
[2587.8s] this at Claire.
[2588.8s] I mean,
[2589.8s] we got it
[2590.8s] for mayor,
[2591.8s] right?
[2592.8s] I mean,
[2593.8s] yeah,
[2594.8s] I'd take it at Claire.
[2595.8s] Yeah.
[2596.8s] Thank you.
[2597.8s] And yeah,
[2598.8s] we could,
[2599.8s] if we get
[2600.8s] some extra ore,
[2601.8s] so yeah,
[2602.8s] all you,
[2603.8s] if you're,
[2604.8s] if you're heading
[2605.8s] to the mines,
[2606.8s] that's where you're headed,
[2607.8s] right?
[2608.8s] All you got to do
[2609.8s] is follow the path
[2610.8s] up into the,
[2611.8s] up into the hills
[2612.8s] and then
[2613.8s] it meets the mountain
[2614.8s] and then
[2615.8s] it's just a big
[2616.8s] wide cavern.
[2617.8s] Excellent.
[2618.8s] How much for
[2619.8s] the supplies?
[2620.8s] Oh,
[2621.8s] well,
[2622.8s] that's just
[2623.8s] probably a silver
[2624.8s] that should cover you there.
[2625.8s] And you know what?
[2626.8s] I'm thinking
[2627.8s] I need a clearing too.
[2628.8s] If you wait
[2629.8s] for this evening,
[2630.9s] the bus will probably
[2631.9s] be going up,
[2632.9s] getting the
[2633.9s] the bottle and
[2634.9s] nose cleaning
[2635.9s] and just
[2636.9s] taking care of that.
[2637.9s] We can actually
[2638.9s] lead you.
[2639.9s] Then you don't get
[2640.9s] lost.
[2641.9s] Oh,
[2642.9s] so everybody kind of
[2643.9s] goes at the same,
[2644.9s] it's not like
[2645.9s] as you need it,
[2646.9s] people just kind of
[2647.9s] wander up
[2648.9s] and get the thing.
[2649.9s] Everybody's sort of,
[2650.9s] it's like,
[2651.9s] is there any chanting
[2652.9s] or?
[2653.9s] We all kind of went
[2654.9s] at the same time,
[2655.9s] the first time,
[2656.9s] so.
[2657.9s] Right,
[2658.9s] so now you're on a
[2659.9s] it sounds inconvenient
[2660.9s] for the priest.
[2661.9s] Really is.
[2662.9s] I mean,
[2663.9s] he's got a good thing.
[2664.9s] It's only every
[2665.9s] couple of days,
[2666.9s] because that way
[2667.9s] he's got time
[2668.9s] to fill the bottles again.
[2669.9s] You know,
[2670.9s] bless them with
[2671.9s] from the,
[2672.9s] you know,
[2673.9s] the powers of the
[2674.9s] God of McCuss.
[2675.9s] And
[2676.9s] that way,
[2677.9s] when we all go
[2678.9s] stumbling back,
[2679.9s] he can take
[2680.9s] care of us.
[2681.9s] Well,
[2682.9s] if if they happen
[2683.9s] to go all
[2684.9s] at the same time,
[2685.9s] perhaps it would be
[2686.9s] beneficial if we
[2687.9s] go before that time
[2688.9s] of keeping you
[2689.9s] from your medication.
[2692.9s] Oh, yeah.
[2693.9s] Yeah.
[2694.9s] We want to beat the
[2695.9s] we don't want to
[2696.9s] get in the way
[2697.9s] of the nose clearing
[2698.9s] rush.
[2699.9s] Sure.
[2700.9s] OK.
[2701.9s] Roger that.
[2702.9s] You got it.
[2703.9s] But it sounds like
[2704.9s] we can probably just
[2705.9s] find our own way.
[2706.9s] Seems like it's pretty
[2707.9s] very good directions.
[2708.9s] I think I,
[2709.9s] you know,
[2710.9s] I think we're good.
[2711.9s] Thank you so much.
[2712.9s] OK.
[2713.9s] Well,
[2714.9s] we'll see if we see you
[2715.9s] on the way
[2716.9s] or on the way back,
[2717.9s] coming.
[2718.9s] It's really nice
[2719.9s] to meet you.
[2720.9s] Can't wait until
[2721.9s] we get to just,
[2722.9s] you know,
[2723.9s] share in like
[2724.9s] a market festival
[2725.9s] together.
[2726.9s] It seems like
[2727.9s] you're just like
[2728.9s] a raucous bunch
[2729.9s] who are just like
[2730.9s] here to party,
[2731.9s] you know?
[2732.9s] I do love a festival.
[2733.9s] What do you mean
[2734.9s] party?
[2737.9s] We cut ahead.
[2740.9s] You've traveled up
[2742.9s] over the hills
[2744.9s] down to where
[2745.9s] it meets the mountain.
[2746.9s] And there is
[2747.9s] a large cavernous opening
[2749.9s] at the base of this mountain
[2751.9s] that the path leads into.
[2753.9s] The directions
[2754.9s] were perfectly given
[2755.9s] and if this is the place,
[2757.9s] then you have been
[2758.9s] led to an inn
[2759.9s] and from inside
[2761.9s] you hear
[2762.9s] as it's getting to be
[2764.9s] a little bit dusk,
[2765.9s] there is
[2766.9s] like this
[2767.9s] bubbling noise.
[2771.9s] Oh, I don't like this.
[2773.9s] This warmth
[2774.9s] that's coming out
[2776.0s] of the cave
[2778.0s] as you approach it.
[2779.0s] Russ, is it,
[2780.0s] is there light coming out
[2783.0s] or just sound?
[2785.0s] It's tough to tell
[2786.0s] as you approach
[2787.0s] because the daylight
[2788.0s] is obscuring,
[2789.0s] but as you get closer,
[2791.0s] it appears that there is
[2793.0s] dim light
[2797.0s] mostly from like
[2799.0s] glowing
[2801.0s] lichen
[2802.0s] and like
[2803.0s] bioluminescent
[2804.0s] type things
[2805.0s] on the walls.
[2806.0s] No real
[2808.0s] torchlight or anything
[2809.0s] that you can tell
[2810.0s] from your location.
[2816.0s] Well, I know
[2817.0s] it's just full of snot
[2818.0s] but with the glow
[2819.0s] and lichen,
[2820.0s] it's pretty.
[2822.0s] Right?
[2823.0s] It's kind of pretty here.
[2824.0s] It does have some good ambiance,
[2825.0s] you're correct.
[2826.0s] Well, after you Varnas.
[2827.0s] Yeah.
[2828.0s] Yeah.
[2830.0s] I know how excited you are.
[2833.0s] I can tell.
[2835.0s] Thank you.
[2836.0s] Thank you for trusting me.
[2838.0s] I am very excited.
[2840.0s] So I just
[2841.0s] proudly march my way
[2842.0s] right on in there.
[2843.0s] Varnas, you walk your way in
[2845.0s] and it,
[2847.0s] the cavern
[2849.0s] narrows to a path.
[2850.0s] Is everybody following Varnas?
[2852.0s] Yeah.
[2853.0s] Oh, yeah.
[2854.0s] I mean,
[2855.0s] I don't want to speak for everyone
[2856.0s] but certainly
[2857.0s] Lipsankey is like
[2858.0s] really kind of grossed out
[2860.0s] but
[2861.0s] like
[2862.0s] let's do it.
[2863.0s] Okay.
[2864.0s] It kind of narrows to
[2867.0s] a point
[2868.0s] or a path
[2869.0s] and you follow it down
[2871.0s] and there's like this
[2873.0s] there's this slickness
[2874.0s] to the walls
[2875.0s] as you're walking in
[2876.0s] and
[2877.0s] you round a corner
[2878.0s] and you can kind of see
[2879.0s] more torchlight
[2881.0s] from
[2882.0s] from around this final bend
[2883.0s] that you're walking down
[2885.0s] and it,
[2886.0s] you turn this corner
[2887.0s] and it opens up
[2888.0s] into this large chamber
[2890.0s] that has this
[2892.0s] like side
[2893.0s] path
[2894.0s] and on that path
[2896.0s] there is a large
[2897.0s] almost
[2898.0s] like shop stand set up
[2900.0s] like table
[2901.0s] and
[2902.0s] a little bit of
[2903.0s] adornment
[2904.0s] and
[2905.0s] on it is a bunch of vials
[2907.0s] clear vials
[2908.0s] with what looks like fluid in them
[2909.0s] standing behind them
[2910.0s] is this priest figure
[2912.0s] he's
[2913.0s] he's
[2914.0s] probably in his
[2915.0s] late 20s
[2916.0s] early 30s
[2918.0s] very clean cut
[2920.0s] and you
[2922.0s] round this bend
[2923.0s] and see him
[2924.0s] and then turn and look
[2925.0s] and there is
[2927.0s] this
[2928.0s] giant
[2929.0s] probably
[2930.0s] 75 foot tall
[2932.0s] nose
[2933.0s] on the far side
[2935.0s] of this chamber
[2936.0s] that you're in
[2937.0s] and it looks like this
[2939.0s] this fluid
[2941.0s] this
[2942.0s] gloopy fluid
[2943.0s] is traveling
[2944.0s] up the nostrils
[2946.0s] of this
[2948.0s] giant
[2949.0s] nose
[2950.0s] statuesque
[2952.0s] figure
[2953.0s] on the far side
[2955.0s] well
[2956.0s] when they said a
[2957.0s] giant nose
[2958.0s] I mean I pictured something
[2959.0s] pretty big
[2960.0s] but
[2961.0s] this is a really big nose
[2962.0s] I mean that is
[2963.0s] a
[2964.0s] giant
[2965.0s] nose
[2966.0s] have
[2967.0s] have you come
[2968.0s] have you come
[2969.0s] for the nose
[2970.0s] cleaning
[2971.0s] oh
[2972.0s] no no no
[2974.0s] we came just to
[2975.0s] you know
[2976.0s] ask you how the
[2977.0s] summoning of the booger god was going for you
[2979.0s] summoning of the booger god
[2982.0s] there is no summoning here
[2984.0s] we are just taking care of
[2988.0s] taking care of
[2990.0s] the issue that ails news
[2992.0s] you're doing really good I love it
[2994.0s] it's absolutely marvelous
[2996.0s] what you're doing here
[2997.0s] I appreciate every bit of it
[2999.0s] thank you thank you it's for the good of the people
[3001.0s] this is Guy Bullshit
[3002.0s] roll insight
[3003.0s] 17
[3004.0s] yeah you get the sense that he's not being
[3006.0s] totally upfront
[3008.0s] okay
[3009.0s] like listen
[3010.0s] my onboarding taught me exactly what it looks like
[3013.0s] when you were trying to do
[3015.0s] your
[3016.0s] your very first summoning
[3017.0s] you look like you're getting started out
[3019.0s] you look young
[3020.0s] and
[3021.0s] present yourself rather well
[3022.0s] and
[3023.0s] it's necessary to be able to get people to
[3025.0s] just
[3026.0s] follow along right
[3027.0s] you have to
[3028.0s] you have to put on that charm
[3030.0s] so
[3031.0s] I'll ask again
[3033.0s] how's the summoning of the booger god coming along
[3037.0s] McCuss wants an update
[3044.0s] and he runs
[3049.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 2 Episode 131
[3053.0s] starring Amy More as Thea and Night Hunter
[3056.0s] Carla Maxted as Lipsynki
[3058.0s] Tom Laird as Flint
[3059.0s] with Kyle Classid as Vorunax
[3061.0s] and Russ More as your Dungeon Master
[3063.0s] dialogue editing by Newt Shonolkati
[3065.0s] and sound design by Russ More
[3067.0s] this episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
[3069.0s] and Artlist
[3070.0s] and sound effects from Epidemic Sound
[3072.0s] Boom Library and Sound Ideas
[3074.0s] a huge thank you to our supporting producers
[3076.0s] Gabriel Lynch
[3077.0s] Jessica Babyok
[3078.0s] Kat Waterflame
[3079.0s] Jacob Madden
[3080.0s] Christian Brown
[3081.0s] Craig Zeiss
[3082.0s] Aaron Stevens
[3083.0s] Daryleth
[3084.0s] Perry Matey
[3085.0s] Old School Gamer D
[3086.0s] L.A. Branton
[3087.0s] Nathaniel Teeter
[3088.0s] Destiny Garcia
[3089.0s] Nicholas Cooper
[3090.0s] and Ryan Carr
[3091.0s] join us today at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast
[3094.0s] where we have new community goals
[3096.0s] exclusive podcast and discord channels
[3098.0s] and so much more
[3099.0s] we hope to see you over there very soon
[3101.0s] our next goal is 115 patrons in the community
[3104.0s] and we're getting close
[3105.0s] you have a great week
[3106.0s] we'll talk to you soon
[3112.0s] give us a good one Carla
[3115.0s] now's your time to shine
[3117.0s] that's right
[3118.0s] if I start I might not stop
[3120.0s] no yeah no no
[3121.0s] I do always have to cough
[3123.0s] aww
[3124.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production